"What can an individual do? Put one or many straws on a camel's back" [Quote of the Month January 1983]
"The more solid the breakfast flock is, the more important it is not to be solid" [Quote of the Month September 1979]
Personality Tests were the first step for potential students, according to reports the cost varied over the years, between $20 to $30.
Literally thousands of people under-took ‘this first step’ , so several accounts of the whole process were available.
I will quote excerpts from one given in 1979 which was, let’s just say – descriptive.
The payment presented, as a ‘donation’ rather than a ‘fee’, was $28.
“We bowled up together to Dalhoffs place (193 Clyde Road) on Friday 7th September at
We then, on instructions from the smooth-sounding cool Joy Dalhoff, sat a personality questionnaire. The questions were such as these:
- Do you feel disgruntled after losing an argument?
- Would you make a good debater?
- Would you kill a dog to put it out of its misery?
The questions were answered on a multi-choice form, Possible, responses were (-) negative, (M) uncertain, (+) positive.
There was no hurry – it took 30-45 minutes. When we had finished we made an appointment for the following week.
Mention should be made of the Dalhoff residence. Parked in the drive – very elegant, latest model Mercedes Benz and a 4-wheel drive Suzuki. The place was very American – tinted windows, one way mirrors, laminated plastic furniture with bright ultra-modern designs and colours.
After the meeting we also went to Lane H**t’s (
1. Lane could recall past lives – and had supposedly lived through various civilisations in the past – with both more backward and more advanced technologies than our own. On details, however he was weak.
2. He had been responsible for marketing apricot kernals as a cure for cancer before they were banned.
3. He believed that public welfare and spendings were quite moral. He was a Social Darwinist – believing in the “survival of the fittest in society”.
[Explanatory note: Lane was the Z.A.P salesman who introduced them]
From these observations, I deduced he was a crackpot. However I would go back for my analysis and get my money back, I decided.
On Monday 10th September, I went for my analysis at
Matt and Ken’s looked very identical – rather strange, especially Ken – who is very much a quieter, reserved guy. In fact this graph was identical or very similar to all the other people I spoke to later about the analysis.
After discussions about the analysis, I asked for my money back – the test and analysis had told me nothing about my personality that I did not know. In fact I disputed the low scores on happiness, stability etc.
Eventually after a protracted argument, and seeing my contact (Lane H**t) I got my money back. I went away – happy with getting my money back – but thinking of all the other poor bastards being ‘ripped-off’.
Before we left I had a discussion with Lane in which I quizzed him on some of his cranky views – for instance, he believed not all people should be able to vote – just those who had deserved the right through financial success. he believed roughly that most people were lowly apathetic scum who deserved to be exploited by the superior elite – the well heeled rich. I was astounded at this Nietzchean - type philosophy and warned Lane to look at his own self to see if he found any of the Christian values of love, compassion, mercy and understanding. To this he had no reply. Mrs Dalhoff, on the same topic, dismissed Christianity as a philosophy which pandered to the poor, the religion of the weak minded-men with bleeding hearts. This I strongly resented. Anyway, I left Lane to think about it.
[Author includes more background on Z.A.P then returns to the subject of his Personality Test]
One is inclined to speculate (in reference to The Personality Test):
1. That it was devised to screen-out people who might start disagreeing with Z.A.P at a later stage.
2. That it was aimed at spotting the uncertain and confused individual to work on.
3. That the results were determined so that people ‘needed’ to do the course i.e. people who were low on motivation. happiness, stability, communications, etc. Consequently or unsurprisingly the first course is entitled: “Success & Happiness”.
Basic Beliefs: People are divided into two basic types – the achievers and the masses.
The Achievers: These are ‘the select’: they have been endowed with abilities – financial, intellectual, psychic, which they should use for their own advantage in exploiting the masses.
The Masses: Exist only for the benefit of the achievers.
General Characteristics of the ‘Selected’.
- Material Success in life
- Motivated towards self improvement
- Guilt and conscience-free
Note: The complete list of questions used by the The Church of Scientology’s ‘Personality Test’ (also called Oxford Capacity Analysis) is available here - including might I add, the optimal answers to achieve 100%. Having read the above, some may look familiar.
